Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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