tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
