i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
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He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
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Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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