my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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