so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
