If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
