he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
