Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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