god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Randomize
