as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
