so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The beer is more important than you right now.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
