i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
