Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So here I am, sexting at work.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
