did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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