im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
