Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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