How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
