At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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