I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just blew my weed a kiss
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The uberlube is also flammable
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I touched a dick in church today
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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