I just threw up on my dentist
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
