She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
