just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize