I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
