just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
