My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Green mimosas i think yes
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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