the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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