btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
