I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
