I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
