your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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