your room smells of hookers.
And success
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
