Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
