So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
My apartment stinks of burning failure
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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