it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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