note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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