My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
