Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
