thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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