Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
