Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
