I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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