so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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