is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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