apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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