Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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