You really coming over, don't trick.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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