walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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