I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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