Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
