I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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