We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
