my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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