ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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