I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
