My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
