what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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