Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
