I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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