I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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