can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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