matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
