I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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