I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
