I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
