In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
