just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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