So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
