I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
