apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
