some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
