Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
