Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
