i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
