I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
organizing the empties. That sober.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
