8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
