Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
