I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
