a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
