i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
